Monday, January 9, 2012

Pickle Jar 101

Pickle Jar 101

Note: Green is for pickles.

Last Saturday morning, as I sat on the couch watching Disney's The Parent Trap-it was that stressful stage before Lindsey and Lindsey become friends. I hate seeing them so rude to one another- my mother made an announcement. A life altering announcement at that. Her voice came quickly, bellowing from the kitchen like a squirrel being stabbed by a unicorn.

"Hey guys, we finished the pickles! Does anyone want the jar!?"

Yes, that's right. There was an empty pickle jar out there. One large, lonely, gleaming pickle jar. And it needed me. I sat there in awe as I allowed this ground breaking news to sink in.

And then, quick as lighting -No, faster.- My ninja reflexes sat in, I flipped around, jumped over the side of the couch, flew down the stairwell and snatched up that pickle jar. I felt the cold glass touch my skin just seconds before my sister could get her greedy little fingers around it. You should have seen the look on her face when I whisked it away to my room, as she slowly but surely realized what had just slipped right through her grasp.
Now here I am, With one pickle jar and one whole day ahead of me.

So it begins.

3 Mind Blowing Things To Do With A Pickle Jar:

1. Write "Tips" on your jar and carry it with you everywhere. To Starbucks, to school, to the movies, even to the bathroom.

There are some people out there who are -to put it simply- suckers. They are the ones who hold the door open for random strangers, smile at everybody they pass, and-most of all-they tip. They tip BIG TIME. Don't get me wrong, suckers make the world a better place. Heck, I am probably one of them. And it is because I am one of them that I am allowed to take advantage of them.
Suckers feel obligated to tip. It's, like, in their genes or something. I swear, even if it's just a nickel, they absolutely HAVE to put something in that frickin' jar. It doesn't matter if you were a crappy barista, or if you epically suck at playing the banjo and harmonica at the same time. They still tip. It's just what they do. Now my theory on this matter is that when they see a clean glass jar with the word "Tips" printed on the front, or a hat with a few coins laying on the ground--well, this triggers something in them. It's an impulse, you see.
So go to the grocery store, and just when someone is about to go through the automatic doors, step up and trigger the sensors for them. Or when you are at school-go ahead! Break dance in the middle of the cafeteria! It doesn't matter if you have never taken lessons before. When all is said and done, make sure your tip jar is visible and already has a few bucks in it. If you've got a sucker on your hands then you've got money in your pocket-all for doing a heap load of nothing. Congratulations.

2. Play dress-up with your pickle jar.

Personally, I use my old American Girl Doll clothes. But if you've never had one, you can use your old baby clothes-or even just a diaper. You can give it hands made out of construction paper, or a creepy little sharpie smile. You can name him Steve. It doesn't matter really.
And hey, dressing Steve up is only half the fun. If you're feeling up to it take your new friend out in public and treat him like a child. Request a booster seat at a restaurant for Steve. Take him to church, and in the middle pretend he has started to cry- then rush out with him in your arms embarrassed for the commotion. Walk around the park carrying Steve in a blanket, openly talking to strangers about your little bundle of joy. Then, when everybody is officially aware that you think this jar is a real person, drop Steve and break him. Begin crying and screaming-after a few minutes run away hysterically. The options are really endless here.

3. Make a reverse suggestions jar

Instead of turning your jar into something where people can write suggestions for you on little slips of paper, write out suggestions for them. Fill the jar to the brim with strips of paper, all with a different suggestion on them.

Such as:
-make a new friend
-only wash your hair every other day (this is actually better for it)
- Join the Save The Yeti Club. If there isn't one already-make one!
-NEVER go to the Swiss Alps. My grandma went there once and she was forced to eat a slug like in Willy Wonka and when they heard her favorite color was purple they cut off her legs and sent them back to us instead of the rest of her.

Get excited! This is a combination of a fortune cookie and all of the general wisdom you have acquired in your life time. It is your chance to help people! Take the jar with you throughout the day, and when you see somebody that looks like they may need a suggestion, offer one to them. No need for them to thank you (odds are they will be in such shock by your generosity they won't know what to say). Tell them you're welcome with a smile and walk away. Strong and confident-knowing that you have just made a life better.


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I love poetry. I love photography. I love car dancing. I love rain boots. I love language. I love proper grammar and punctuation. I love design. I love sparkles. I love scarves. I love summer. I love winter. I love people. I love Eggo Waffles.
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