Thursday, September 6, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Me and Him and Him and Me
ME AND HIM AND HIM AND
ME
when I get married it will be in the evening
when the shadows are long and the world turns yellow
and red and every shade in between.
the colors will melt in to the turquoise of the water and
the white of my dress and the tan of the boy
and the blonde of his hair and the pink of our
lips touching with the sunset as a witness.
people will dance, even the mean ones, under twinkling
lights like christmas with warm weather and sand
instead of snow mashing between our bare toes as the
daylight turns to twilight and the twilight turns to night light.
me and him and him and me as everyone around us retreats to their lives
and we never go back, dancing together, moving to the same beat and
becoming one body me and him and the sheets around us.
when I get married it will be in the evening
when the shadows are long and the world turns yellow
and red and every shade in between.
the colors will melt in to the turquoise of the water and
the white of my dress and the tan of the boy
and the blonde of his hair and the pink of our
lips touching with the sunset as a witness.
people will dance, even the mean ones, under twinkling
lights like christmas with warm weather and sand
instead of snow mashing between our bare toes as the
daylight turns to twilight and the twilight turns to night light.
me and him and him and me as everyone around us retreats to their lives
and we never go back, dancing together, moving to the same beat and
becoming one body me and him and the sheets around us.
Friday, May 25, 2012
scream
do i have the right
to scream when you just
changed your mind and took
the first exit-the
easy way, when your
eyes always told the
truth and your lips fo-
llowed suit and the only
crime committed was
your decision to
remain rational
i stared at all the
possibilities
and craved to make a
mistake with you but
you don’t take risks or
maybe i wasn’t
enough of a gamble
to waste your time but
i don’t think i care…
i’ll scream anyway
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Why it is Apparently Imperative to my Well Being to Receive my Free Sticker:
On November 22nd I recieved an e-mail from Montana State University. (A college which I have never contacted and have no interest in attending whatsoever.)
Subject: Montana State has no Limits for You...
As a token of appreciation for staying in touch with Montana State University, I recently invited you to request your free sticker to remind you of our interest in having you study here ... (No, they didn't.)
I laughed about this for a bit and then continued on with life, forgetting it happened. That is, until November 28th.
Subject: You Deserve This
I was annoyed, obviously. But it was mostly because I really wanted that free sticker. I just didn't want them to take that as permission to continue contacting me. But they kept contacting me anyway. The next e-mail came on December 27th.
Subject: PLEASE READ
_____, I'd really like to send you the free sticker from Montana State University that I have reserved for you.
I have only a few left, so I urge you to request your sticker today and I'll send it right away
Once again I ignored them completely. I was beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that the stickers were not running out like they had told me earlier, because they e-mailed me again on January 4th.
... but since I haven't received your request, I'm not sure if this is the correct e-mail address.
I believe you would flourish living and learning here. That's why you're among a select group of students invited to request this sticker, which you can display in your locker, car, room or wherever you want.
Follow this link to confirm your e-mail address and claim your MSU sticker, 24/7.
...WHAT? I can display the sticker wherever I want? Oh, good. I'll request that now.
NO.
January 25th.
Subject: Still Interested In Your Talent...
Subject: Montana State has no Limits for You...
As a token of appreciation for staying in touch with Montana State University, I recently invited you to request your free sticker to remind you of our interest in having you study here ... (No, they didn't.)
... ______, I also want this sticker to remind you of some other things ...
-insert impressive statistics about Montana State here-
Learn more by requesting your free MSU sticker right now. And when you do, you'll see that there's no limit to what you can achieve at Montana State! -insert impressive statistics about Montana State here-
I laughed about this for a bit and then continued on with life, forgetting it happened. That is, until November 28th.
Subject: You Deserve This
Dear _____,
I want to talk to you about the value of a Montana State education ... but right now, I invite you to request your MSU sticker as a reminder of our interest in you.... it's all part of the MSU experience, and I'd love to help make it yours! Keep in touch with MSU and get your free sticker now."
This had become a game that I couldn't lose. I would NEVER request that sticker. But they were good. On December 19th I received yet another e-mail.
Subject: Haven't Heard From You...
Dear _____,
I haven't heard back from you yet about your free sticker from Montana State University - many other students have already received theirs and I don't want you to miss out. Request your free sticker now!I was annoyed, obviously. But it was mostly because I really wanted that free sticker. I just didn't want them to take that as permission to continue contacting me. But they kept contacting me anyway. The next e-mail came on December 27th.
Subject: PLEASE READ
_____, I'd really like to send you the free sticker from Montana State University that I have reserved for you.
I have only a few left, so I urge you to request your sticker today and I'll send it right away
Once again I ignored them completely. I was beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that the stickers were not running out like they had told me earlier, because they e-mailed me again on January 4th.
_____,
I recently invited you to request a free sticker from Montana State University as a token of our continued interest in you ...... but since I haven't received your request, I'm not sure if this is the correct e-mail address.
I believe you would flourish living and learning here. That's why you're among a select group of students invited to request this sticker, which you can display in your locker, car, room or wherever you want.
Follow this link to confirm your e-mail address and claim your MSU sticker, 24/7.
...WHAT? I can display the sticker wherever I want? Oh, good. I'll request that now.
NO.
January 25th.
Subject: Still Interested In Your Talent...
_____,
I checked my records and realized you never requested your complimentary sticker from Montana State University.
I want you to have this sticker because I think you'll truly thrive here. At Montana State, students like you learn to innovate and create alongside our talented faculty.
I have only a few left, ____, but I'm going to reserve one for you. Would you mind letting me know if you're as interested in MSU as we are in you?
I took this question as license to reply. I had given up. This was a game I could not win.
January 25th
No Subject
I'll take the sticker if you stop e-mailing me.
They never contacted me again after that. And I never got the sticker.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Things That Would be More Productive Than Blogging and Knitting
-Chemistry Homework
-Any of the ten sketches that, according to my art class, should have been completed weeks ago
-Reading Chapter 4 of "The Creative Writers Handbook" for my English class
-Making a Birthday present for my brother (who's birthday was two days ago...)
-Designing Llama T-Shirts to raise money in order to travel to Ecuador this summer
-Furthering the quality relationship I am attempting to establish with my cat
-Cleaning my room (ie: Cleaning out the closet where I promptly shoved and hid every object that had previously made my room appear messy)
-Finally figuring out how football works
-Writing letters to people that I will lose and then throw away
-Texting one of my best friends, whom I have not seen in four days
-Contemplating what to do with my life
-Contemplating what to eat for dinner
-Contemplating ANYTHING
-Turning on the heater instead of sitting here stubborn and cold
-Working Out for an impending track season
-Studying medical text books
-Writing jokes for my future comedical career
-Figuring out how to spell comedical, and whether or not it is a real word
-Developing a cure to cancer
-Making a To-Do list of everything I need to do (check.)
-Watching paint dry
-Wondering how to make artificial bark
-Finishing math homework that I have been putting off for five days
-Reading a book about how to stop procrastinating
-Any of the ten sketches that, according to my art class, should have been completed weeks ago
-Reading Chapter 4 of "The Creative Writers Handbook" for my English class
-Making a Birthday present for my brother (who's birthday was two days ago...)
-Designing Llama T-Shirts to raise money in order to travel to Ecuador this summer
-Furthering the quality relationship I am attempting to establish with my cat
-Cleaning my room (ie: Cleaning out the closet where I promptly shoved and hid every object that had previously made my room appear messy)
-Finally figuring out how football works
-Writing letters to people that I will lose and then throw away
-Texting one of my best friends, whom I have not seen in four days
-Contemplating what to do with my life
-Contemplating what to eat for dinner
-Contemplating ANYTHING
-Turning on the heater instead of sitting here stubborn and cold
-Working Out for an impending track season
-Studying medical text books
-Writing jokes for my future comedical career
-Figuring out how to spell comedical, and whether or not it is a real word
-Developing a cure to cancer
-Making a To-Do list of everything I need to do (check.)
-Watching paint dry
-Wondering how to make artificial bark
-Finishing math homework that I have been putting off for five days
-Reading a book about how to stop procrastinating
Friday, January 20, 2012
The Truth About Hygiene
The Truth About Hygiene:
If you are like many of my friends, then you will probably not enjoy this post. You may cringe, shudder, puke, make disgusted faces and it is even possible that you will die completely. Viewer discretion is advised.
First of all I would like to remind you that the human race has been going without regular showers for 99.99% of our existence. It was not until the 1800's that bathing became regular, and even at that it was once per week. For a few years, when the modern bathtub first emerged, Brooklyn issued a ban upon it's use unless prescribed by a physician. For years afterwards regular and convenient bathing was considered an unnecessary luxury.
In addition it is necessary to recognize what experts consider "healthy". Important people are beginning to argue that showering daily is not healthy. I am that important person. In fact, I would go as far as saying that approximately twice a week is an appropriate showering timeline. This will fluctuate based upon your skin complexion, hair color and how much perspiration you experience daily.
Personally, I have blonde hair that does not get greasy over the course of a few days. (Dry shampoo is your friend here, people.) On top of this, I don't sweat very much and have never had problems with acne. I don't even wash my face. The results of my showering techniques have been phenomenal. My hair is more healthy and grows quickly. I can sleep in most days and therefore look better by default. Yes, for some people showering more often than I do is necessary, but if you are anything like me I advise you to get over yourself and just go for it.
The Truth About Hygiene is that many people are flipping out in disgust over a tradition that has been around for less than a hundred years. According to pioneer's standards I am one of the cleanest people in the world.
If you are like many of my friends, then you will probably not enjoy this post. You may cringe, shudder, puke, make disgusted faces and it is even possible that you will die completely. Viewer discretion is advised.
First of all I would like to remind you that the human race has been going without regular showers for 99.99% of our existence. It was not until the 1800's that bathing became regular, and even at that it was once per week. For a few years, when the modern bathtub first emerged, Brooklyn issued a ban upon it's use unless prescribed by a physician. For years afterwards regular and convenient bathing was considered an unnecessary luxury.
In addition it is necessary to recognize what experts consider "healthy". Important people are beginning to argue that showering daily is not healthy. I am that important person. In fact, I would go as far as saying that approximately twice a week is an appropriate showering timeline. This will fluctuate based upon your skin complexion, hair color and how much perspiration you experience daily.
Personally, I have blonde hair that does not get greasy over the course of a few days. (Dry shampoo is your friend here, people.) On top of this, I don't sweat very much and have never had problems with acne. I don't even wash my face. The results of my showering techniques have been phenomenal. My hair is more healthy and grows quickly. I can sleep in most days and therefore look better by default. Yes, for some people showering more often than I do is necessary, but if you are anything like me I advise you to get over yourself and just go for it.
The Truth About Hygiene is that many people are flipping out in disgust over a tradition that has been around for less than a hundred years. According to pioneer's standards I am one of the cleanest people in the world.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Belated Cumulative Obituary of My Fish
The Belated Cumulative Obituary of My Fish:
Steve:
Oh, my dearest Steve. If fish were boyfriends, you would be my first love. The year that I had you was one of the best of my life. I wrote my first ukulele song about you. I buried you in my backyard, but then I moved away and I do not know what has become of your grave. Life has gone on since you left, but it hasn't been the same. You were a good fish, but a better listener, and a great friend. I'm sorry that my brother killed you when I went away for Christmas. That was pretty lame of him. I've had other fish since you, but none of them will ever fill your shoes.
Stevie (Wonder):
Your black nature and bulging eyes will forever be part of my heart. I am so glad that my brother purchased you for me, even though it was because of his guilt for killing my friend. You died of unknown causes in your sleep and I hate that I never got the chance to say goodbye. I hope you know that you lit up the life of everyone you met. You will be in my heart forever.
Pop-Eye:
Sometimes I still dream about your bad eye...all grey and creepy. Staring me in the face as I try to sleep. But that is really besides the point. I really want to apologize to you for feeding you too much that one time and killing you. You were there for me throughout all of my sophomore year. You listened to me, you loved me and you befriended me. Me? I killed you. And for that I am sorry.
Untitled:
Mainly I am sorry that I never named you. I figured my trend so far of naming fish wasn't going too well and I wanted to try something new to keep you from dying. I guess my heart was too full of my other fishes love, because we never really connected. It wasn't you, it was me. I don't even remember how you died. I think I'm done with fish for a while. All along I've just been trying to fill the void of Steve...I need to accept that he is never coming back. This is probably the worst obituary I have ever written...but you weren't all that special and I'm not going to lie you pooped a lot and that was annoying. Maybe that's why you died. Anyway, thanks for...nevermind. You gave me nothing. I miss Steve.
Steve:
Oh, my dearest Steve. If fish were boyfriends, you would be my first love. The year that I had you was one of the best of my life. I wrote my first ukulele song about you. I buried you in my backyard, but then I moved away and I do not know what has become of your grave. Life has gone on since you left, but it hasn't been the same. You were a good fish, but a better listener, and a great friend. I'm sorry that my brother killed you when I went away for Christmas. That was pretty lame of him. I've had other fish since you, but none of them will ever fill your shoes.
Stevie (Wonder):
Your black nature and bulging eyes will forever be part of my heart. I am so glad that my brother purchased you for me, even though it was because of his guilt for killing my friend. You died of unknown causes in your sleep and I hate that I never got the chance to say goodbye. I hope you know that you lit up the life of everyone you met. You will be in my heart forever.
Pop-Eye:
Sometimes I still dream about your bad eye...all grey and creepy. Staring me in the face as I try to sleep. But that is really besides the point. I really want to apologize to you for feeding you too much that one time and killing you. You were there for me throughout all of my sophomore year. You listened to me, you loved me and you befriended me. Me? I killed you. And for that I am sorry.
Untitled:
Mainly I am sorry that I never named you. I figured my trend so far of naming fish wasn't going too well and I wanted to try something new to keep you from dying. I guess my heart was too full of my other fishes love, because we never really connected. It wasn't you, it was me. I don't even remember how you died. I think I'm done with fish for a while. All along I've just been trying to fill the void of Steve...I need to accept that he is never coming back. This is probably the worst obituary I have ever written...but you weren't all that special and I'm not going to lie you pooped a lot and that was annoying. Maybe that's why you died. Anyway, thanks for...nevermind. You gave me nothing. I miss Steve.